Not Sentimental

"Not sentimental." At least that's what I what I always thought of myself. I'm practical, optimistic and thoughtful, but not sentimental. Well, this Christmas has proven me wrong. It took me quite awhile to decorate this year. Even thought of not putting up a Christmas tree. Not that I'm being the Grinch, just didn't want to put unnecessary stress on myself and take away from the meaning of the season. We didn't take family photos, mostly because I tend to drive the family crazy with my ideas of perfection; which is never going to happen. I haven't sent out cards and don't feel bad except for those that may feel like they're off my list and wonder why. The lights on the exterior were completed in an hour and show it. But, they're up and light every night. I tell myself, "Next year I'll do better."

     Yet, I keep looking through old photos, I still bake traditional Holiday treats, especially the Dutch ones, I still  place old ornaments of the past on the tree. Oh yes, we have a tree! I have placed out old photos of my mom with the kids from past years, as reminders of how silly and fun she was with us.

Eleanor (mother-in-law), Daniele, Kyle and My mom who would hate this picture of herself.
She was always a size 2-4 and this is not how she'd like to be remembered. 

      As I went shopping these past weeks I missed my mom dearly. It may seem like a strange time to miss my mom, but we shopped together quite a bit. She couldn't do many activities, but she loved to get lunch and mull around the mall for a couple of hours. I tear up at the site of something I know she'd like. She had a taste for Liz Claiborne, she loved tailored jackets; something with a little peplum in the back. She use to tell me, "Dad always liked me to look good from behind". ha, ha.... that's so precious to me.  She loved red coats and patent purses.
 
    I love to the hear, "Merry Christmas", but I can't say this is my favorite time of year like some people do. There a many people that do not have their special loved in their lives and in their homes to share this special time with. I continue to mourn my mother, but I quickly think of those that miss their loved ones that were taken too soon, too young, or sadly too violently, and left them with only memories and an empty spot at the table or in their bed. I'm also sad for those without faith or hope to get them through this process. I'm so fortunate to have only good memories of my mother, she was very special to me and I do miss her. I'm blessed to have a husband and kids that loved my mother as much as I did.
 Merry Christmas to all.