Within the past 2 months we've lost 2 family members. First Danny's brother-in-law past away from Leukemia, and recently my niece passed away from Cystic Fibrosis.
The ceremonies were in some way similar as the service was as close to celebratory as possible. With the slide shows chronicling their lives and loved ones, and the gathering of family and friends with memories and stories for those mourning to enjoy.
I chose the title "Good Grief" because I 'accidentally' purchased a book titled that, and as I read it last summer I thought 'someday this will be good for someone who is hurting from a loss.' I never thought those people would be a part of our family. I have yet to give it my sister in law, but there's that ever-difficult question that we ask ourselves...."Is it appropriate?" And that's basically the idea of this book.
I don't know about you, but I wonder and ask myself what is appropriate.... should I visit or call right away or give them time? Is it ok to share a laugh with someone at a memorial? What do you say when someone says to you "sorry for your loss?" do you respond with 'thanks?' When do you disperse of some one's belongings after they're gone?
Difficult questions that no one wants to talk about. We can't avoid any of the uncomfortable stages of it, like Shelley's pastor said, "we're all going to die." what makes us think anything different. We just need to know we're ready.
The book Good Grief was about a young newly married woman who's husband gets ill and dies. She is faced with her mother-in-law pressuring her on what to do with her life, she is faced with all the 'looks' of pity that she's now getting, and she doesn't know how to handle of it appropriately...what's grief-etiquette? Maybe even writing this in a blog is totally inappropriate! I don't know, and why do we care? We must all feel this way. And if you knew Shelley, she was always concerned about what other's thought.
Like my other fellow bloggers have written, after certain memorials they make you want to hug your husband, your kids, and be a better person. I read through Shelley's Bible passages several times when I got home, she makes we want to a better Christian. I want to see His face someday, too.
Shelley's daughter, Kylie's friend wrote a beautiful song, that we will record for her. I hope to meet the challenge and post if for you all to hear. She's only 13 (guessing) and she handled herself with such poise and sang from her heart. Now that WAS appropriate.
1 comment:
My mom told me about Shelley the last time I talked to her on the phone. I read your posts and the obituary my mom sent me. Sounds like Shelley was a great person and I wish I had known her better.
And you're definitely right about it being hard knowing the right/appropriate thing to do or say at times like this. But maybe we can find comfort in knowing we all feel the same way?
I'm glad my parents and Beppe were able to be there to be of some support and share memories. Although, it is sad that sometimes it takes things like this to bring us all together.
And yes, my students (and perhaps even moreso the teachers) love the sports season, which seems to be drawing out indefinitely this year. I admit to getting wrapped up in it myself when we're in the moment. But when I stop and think about how much of their already disimal education gets interrupted for things like this, it can be frustrating. Guess that's just part and parcel of the whole experience though...
Good to hear from you. Take care,
Kristina
Post a Comment