A Spray of Lilies

     I woke up far too early this morning and noticed a different scent in the air, as I walk into the living room I see the beautiful flowers that we took home from mom's service yesterday sitting atop my piano. As I look at the flowers, which are mostly lilies, appropriately so, I glance around that side of the room and see my mom's clock and my mother's old sewing machine in the corner. I never intentionally placed the items together, and have always thought such collections to be odd. But, there they were, staring at me this morning. I lay on the couch and teared up once again. Looking over at the piano, the memories of playing through the songs of the Psalter Hymnal while mom would sit in her chair and hum or sing along. She never made me uncomfortable and didn't want me to stop, for I was not a perfectionist on the keys, she just loved the melodies.


    The pattern of my days will now change for I do not have my mother to visit or concern myself with. Mom was always so easy to be around. She was always there.... wherever 'there' was. Ever since I left home, I talked to her every day. Mom would come to see me or I would see her, we spent alot of time together. It was never an obligation that I felt.... I liked being with mom. My children spent many days with my mom and loved her as I did. Visiting 'Beppe' (Grandma in Dutch) in the home that I grew up in, later at her assisted living home, which was always difficult for me to leave, but we tried to make the best of it for her.

At some point I know the hurt of losing my mother will fade and affect my days less and less, but for now the pain is on the surface. 
  
  I'm thankful for the strength she showed us as a family. I'm thankful I understood mom and appreciated her input in my life. I'm saddened to look forward and think she'll not be here to see my children get married and have children, but those thoughts are selfish and do not have a place in my heart. For she is with her heavenly father, and I'd like to think she's with my father and her parents, as well. I know, most importantly, she's not having to cover up any more discomfort and is smiling, singing praises and happy.